Sugar Savvy

AIRHEADS Cotton Candy Bubble Gum

It’s hot. I’m hot. I’m too hot, even, to eat chocolate. Or any other candy, really. That’s pretty hot. Popsicles: yes. Candy: too much work.

Which is what makes this the perfect candy for when it’s too warm for chocolate or anything melt-able or otherwise too much effort-involving. And who doesn’t love cotton candy on a hot summer day? (Actually, most people I know say that cotton candy is gross, but I think they’re being dishonest with themselves, really. Pure refined sugar, spun into a pretty pink cloud. Or in this case, a pretty pink flat polyester bed pillow. What’s not to love?)

Because this heat is making me slow, lazy and stupid, this candy seems to be appropriately named for today’s selection. You are what you eat. But sometimes you eat what you are. And today I am an airhead, so Airheads I shall eat.

As declared on the package: “Bubble Gum That Thinks It’s Cotton Candy.” I guess the candy really is an airhead. It doesn’t know what it is. It’s all like: “I’m cotton candy. No, wait, I’m gum. But, noooo……I’m cotton candy. Ohhhhh, what AM I?” Okay, maybe it’s not really stupid, per se, but just having a bit of an identity crisis.

I’ve never even paid attention to Air Heads. They have always been more or less invisible to me, blending right into the candy shelf wallpaper made up of Nerds, Warheads, etc. This is my first time - a virgin Air Head tasting. I have no preconceived notions of what Air Heads are supposed to be how they “normally” taste, so I suppose I should have picked up a pack of originals in order to have a point of comparison. But I was too hot. And stupid.

So I put it in my mouth and I was all like: “It’s cotton candy.” Which was great, because cotton candy does the work for you. No chewing necessary, it just melts on your tongue and dissolves before you even have a chance to swallow. But then, instead of melting into my tongue, it started to gather together into a wad of…. NO! How could it be? I was enjoying some cotton candy, and now, suddenly, I have GUM in my mouth! I’m so confused!

Oh yeah, did I like it? Of course, it’s no match for the freshly-spun version from the county fair, but if you like cotton candy and if you delight in the taste of classic pink bubble gum, and if you only have enough money for one or the other, then it’s a super great deal! I mean, come on… TWO candies for the price of ONE!

Did I mention it’s really hot today?

Thank you to bulktoystore.com for photo of packaged Airheads.