Sugar Savvy

I will admit that when it comes to gum, I’m fickle. It doesn’t take much to turn my head. I buy every new pack that catches my eye in the checkout lane, sometimes even against my better judgment. As was recently the case with Orbit’s new Fabulous Fruitini, one of the latest in a recent flurry of additions to Orbit’s stick-gum lineup.  

Holding the gum in my hand, waiting to pay for it, I had second thoughts right away. The smell, you see, was nearly overwhelming, even though the pack was still snugly wrapped in its little cellophane jacket. It had an aggressive, nearly hostile fruity scent, which was tinged with bitter undertones of artificial sweetener. When you can smell the Sorbitol, folks . . . it doesn’t exactly bode well for chewing pleasure. Still, I bought it. The color of the pack was cheery and I was really hoping that the Fabulous(ness) of the Fruitini was going to be a pleasant surprise.

Unfortunately, not so much. Initially, there was a burst of flavor that was perfectly predictable, given its scent. Which is to say, it tasted like fruit punch spiked with chemicals. That fruity flavor soon dissipated (”soon,” as in “within 2 minutes”), leaving behind a bitterness that lingered with admirable tenacity. I made the mistake of conducting this taste test while driving, and found myself imperiling road-crossing squirrels as I dove frantically through my purse for a tissue to deposit the gum in, suddenly sure I had completed what I considered a dutiful amount of chew time.   

Think I’m exaggerating? Maybe. But yesterday, desiring to unload the rest of the pack but not wanting to waste it, I offered it to my son and his friend, teenagers who will normally seize the opportunity to co-opt free gum. No takers.

Now, to be fair, I have to say that I like Orbit gum, generally speaking. I buy multipacks of the standard mint flavors on a regular basis. I find that the basic mint flavors hold their flavor well and don’t have any unpleasant aftertaste. If it weren’t for my fickle, wandering gum tooth, I guess I’d just stick with the conventional Orbit flavorsfrom now on. That is, once I get through the pack I’ve got sitting on my desk, exuding the powerful aroma of laboratory-manufactured fruit and waiting for my consarned gum tooth to dig right in.

Update: Moments ago, I offered the pack to my husband, who, chewing enthusiastically, commented, “Mmm, fruity . . . tastes like coconut! I like it!” I waited for approximately two minutes to elapse, then asked, “So, how do you like it now?” “Well, it’s not as flavorful as it was . . . it’s kind of losing its flavor . . . but I still like it.”

Great . . . no backsies!